What Is Love?
by g-love99
Summary: Meredith helps Chloe work through her conflicting emotions for Brian and Alek.


Title: What Is Love?  
Author: g-love78  
Fandom/Pairing: The Nine Lives of Chloe King ~ Beautiful Day Tag ~ Chloe/Alek  
Summary: Chloe's mom helps her work through her conflicting emotions for Brian and Alek

Disclaimer: The Nine Lives of Chloe King, its characters, actors, etc do not belong to me.

"I think I'm in love with Brian..."

As soon as the words left my mouth, doubts began to surface. I was _almost_ certain I loved Brian. But if I did, why did I have such strong feelings for Alek, too/

"…and Alek."

I looked up at mom to see if I had shocked her by professing my love for two boys, at the same time. Mom didn't looked shocked at all. In fact, if I had to describe her expression, I would say that she looked sympathetic, understanding. "Well, you wouldn't be the first girl to have feelings for more than one person at the same time."

"Really?" I asked hopefully. "But it just seems wrong. And I feel like I'm leading them both on. I don't want to hurt either of them, but that's all I seem to be doing. I just wish I figure out what I feel and maybe we would all stop hurting then."

"Maybe it would help to talk it out. I'll ask you some questions that can help you figure out what exactly you are feeling for these boys and you can decide what to do from there, ok?"

I felt skeptical about that plan, and I am sure mom could tell. "I guess it can't hurt."

She pursed her lips and said "Let's try. First, why don't you tell me about Brian. What he is like with you, how you feel when you are with him or when you think about him."

"Okay, that's, well, um he's nice and sweet. He's cute."

"Uh huh, what else? What about how you feel? What's the first emotion that comes to mind when I say Brian?"

"Needed. He makes me feel needed. Even though he's a few years older than me, he doesn't treat me like a kid. He asks for my advice, he asks for my help. He's not afraid to show a vulnerable side. He may have a temper, but he doesn't feel like he has to be all macho. I've helped him with some family stuff, gone with him to see an estranged relative. I feel really good spending time with Brian. I think he treats me like an equal, and isn't that what a loving relationship is all about?"

Mom looked thoughtful She nodded and agreed "That is certainly a part of it. Now what about Alek. How would you describe Alek and your feelings towards him?"

"Ugh! Well, he's nothing like Brian. Sure he can sweet and thoughtful, but mostly he's just infuriating. Acting all superior and cocky. With girls always hanging around. And does he ask for help or advice? Oh no. He's the protector. I am not allowed to put myself in danger, or what he would consider danger. 'Safety first, Chloe'. Yeah, he may want me to know how to take care of myself, he would just never willingly allow me to do so. He is all 'Be careful, Chloe' or 'I don't want you to get hurt, Chloe' or 'Call me if you need me, Chloe'…"

Mom interrupts my rant to ask "And would he come if you needed him?"

"Of course, he has before and he would again. But that's beside the point. Unlike Brian, Alek doesn't need me, he just wants to, to, to lock me in a tower and throw away the key!"

"If he locked you in a tower, where would he be?"

"With me." I looked at her with exasperation, and she quickly asked "Ok, that's how he acts. Now how do you feel when you are with Alek? One word, just like we did with Brian. How does Alek make you feel?"

"Safe. Loved." I sat up a little bit when that second word popped out. I looked at mom and she just tilted her head as if asking me to explain further, but how can I explain to her, what I don't understand myself? I just listed all of Alek's faults. All the ways he causes me frustration. How exactly does that equate to love?

"Mom?"

Mom cleared her throat then said "Yes, well. I'm gonna talk a bit about what I just heard. Feel free to interrupt. The whole point is to figure out your feelings, so correct me if I've got something wrong. Since we talked about Brian first, I'm going to start there and then move on to Alek. You said Brian makes you feel needed and the different times you felt that, and that he made you feel equal. So in what ways do _you_ need Brian? When has he been there to offer_ you_ help or advice?"

Mom must have seen how that question irritated me, because she quickly added "Don't get defensive. This is a reasoning exercise. I'm just asking this to get you thinking, so you can clarify your feelings. Now take a deep breath and think it over before you answer."

I did what mom suggested. I took a deep breath and though back on the time I have known Brian. When have I needed his help or advice? Well, anything Mai was certainly out. My dad too. I never really need any help with school stuff, not that Brian ever asked about that. Hmm, now that I think about it we spent a lot of time just talking about Brian and his troubles. I couldn't talk about mine, but Brian never pushed to get to know much about me. How could he think he was in love with me? He doesn't even know me, not the real me, the Mai me. Wow.

"Anything?" Mom asks.

"Well, no. But that's not his fault. There are things I couldn't tell him about, things he couldn't help with anyway."

"What about Alek? Does he know? Could you tell Alek? Could he help?"

"Well, yeah, but that's just because he's Ma…like me."

"Like you? What do you mean? A teeneager, in highshcool, blonde?"

"Yeah, all of that and more. We just have a LOT in common. And I've learned a lot from him. I'd like to think he's learned a little bit from me, too." I really think that's true. Sure, he has been giving me crash courses in all things Mai. But, I can see changes in him as well. A softening towards humans. A gentler Alek, well to an extent.

"OK. Let's talk a little more about Alek now. He makes you feel safe. After his help during our break-in, I can certainly see why. But, it sounds like maybe you feel he is a little too overprotective. I mean, you're not dating and it sounds like he feels a little proprietary towards you. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Oh no. I just realized I said too much about Alek. There is no way I can explain that he is my Mai protector assigned to Uniter duty, and he does take that job seriously. Quick Chloe, think. "No, no! Alek doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. More like he's a worrier. Yeah, um, especially since the break-in. He was more freaked out about that than he seemed and is always making sure I am ok now."

"Oh, well that makes sense. It certainly left an impression on me, so I can understand how a young man might be affected by seeing someone he cares about in danger. Ok, so not weird worrying, normal worrying. But you said you feel it is all one-sided, not equal. Were there any times that Alek needed your help?"

I think about Alek and our time together since my birthday. Alek training me, explaining the Mai. Protecting me, guarding over me, scolding me when he thinks I need it, helping me even when he disagrees with what I am doing. "No, in fact, he is always helping me. Giving me advice, making me feel safe. Protecting me, sometimes from myself."

"And you also said he made you feel loved, how?"

In my mind I see roses, a giant stuffed lion, Aleks face swollen and bleeding. Alek on my roof, guarding me while I sleep. Watching over my mom, staying just because I asked him to. Running after a car across town to help me find Vanessa. Not because it was important to him, but because it was important to me.

"He always puts me first. My safety, my priorities. He doesn't hesitate to do whatever is necessary to help me. He's sweet and kind, self-assured and sarcastic, too. But never cruel or hurtful. He never ignores what I have to say. He may try to tell me what to do, but he always listens to my side. And the way he kisses me, I can feel his love every single time. I just didn't realize it before."

"Wow. Well, honestly it doesn't sound like either relationship has a real give and take that is so important. Brian needs and asks so much of you but offers nothing in return. And Alek gives, his time, concern, care, protection, and love but needs nothing _from_ you."

"No, that is not true. Alek may not need my help, or my advice, or protection, because he is perfectly capable on his own. But there is one thing he needs. He never said it, but I know it's true. I've seen it in his eyes, felt it in the way he takes care of me."

"What?"

"Me. He just needs me. Not anything I can do for him or give to him. But just me, my love, my affection. And with me and my love he will get the help, the advice, the protection that he doesn't need. Because that is what you give when you love someone. Just like Alek have been giving to me. I was confusing Brian's neediness and my co-dependency for love, but really it is Alek's unselfish giving and my desire to reciprocate that is real love. I wanted Alek to need what I could give and he doesn't, but I am going to give anyway. And because he loves me, he will accept and cherish my help, my advice, all that I offer."

"Wow. Look at you, figuring it all out. So, how do you feel?"

"Empowered. I felt so lost when we started talking, but now I know exactly how I feel and I'm happier than I have been in months. Thanks so much for talking this through with me mom. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, kiddo. I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight mom."

"Good night."

As I walked upstairs it seemed as though all my thoughts and feelings, which had been jumbled, were clicking into their right spots. Everything was so clear now. Alek was right, again. We do belong together.


End file.
